What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
