Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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