Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
