My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Randomize
