I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
