Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
