You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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