you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
