i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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