Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
why is half of my head shaved?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize