where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
