i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
