Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
he shaved USA in his pubs
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
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