Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
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