found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Hippo gnu deer
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
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