i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
You're like the curious george of whores
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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