I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
