She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
