never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
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