Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
