If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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