I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
