i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
