I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
