just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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