youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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