So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
