6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
