I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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