Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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