what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
