Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
