I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
