Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize