Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
