he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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