So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
