sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
