o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
