Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
