Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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