I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
