it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize