bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
We just shotgunned beers for America
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
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