i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
