Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
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