bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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