it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
