Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
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