That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
