I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
