Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
