I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
