then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
wat bout pragnant strippers??
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
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