I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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