I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
We have started to decorate penises.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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