considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
