Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
