did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
