i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
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