I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
