yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Randomize
