We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
