wrigley field is MILF paradise
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
