my vag is so smooth its legendary
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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