ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize