If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
