How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
