My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
