you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
