You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize