girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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