I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
